I’m literally teary eyes. Will almost cry.

Today, It’s our first month. It’s been 30 days.. Yeah, 30 days. I trusted her so much. Kahit kelan hindi ko naisip na niloloko niya ko, na mahal niya pa ung ex niya. Ang tanga ko lang talaga, nag feeling ako na wala na talaga un. More than a year sila nung babae. Hindi ko alam kung ilang years exactly. Pero matagal talaga. Ang tanga ko para mag assume na mapapalitan ko na agad un. But I did everything. Lahat ng kaya ko ginawa ko para magwork kami. Yeah, she gave me her time, attention, and a bit of effort. But it’s not enough! Sabihin niyo ng demanding ako, pero nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo. Ni minsan hindi ako naging laman ng profile niya. Ni minsan hindi ako naging topic ng mga posts niya. Madalas akong hindi maka relate sa mga posts niya. And it’s really a big deal for me!! I know from the start that there’s something wrong. Wala lang talaga akong makitang evidence. At hindi ko alam yung “something” na un. So eto pala yun…

We had a video call a while ago.. Sobrang bothered ako sa mga posts niya. Kasi it looks like there’s something wrong. Pero kakabati lang namin nun ah! Kaya nagtataka ako bakit ganun mga posts niya. So, I asked her, what’s her posts all about. If there’s something wrong. Etc. All of a sudden I am thinking it’s all about me, us. But the hell! She said, it’s all about her ex! Tapos kinuwento niya nangyari. The story is not important anymore. Bottom line is, if only you guys, can see her profile, you’ll clearly see that she’s still affected with her ex!! Or maybe, sila pa rin habang kami!! The fuck!!! I just can’t take this shit anymore. I wanna end this up but there’s something in me that keeps on holding on. Maybe I’ve started to love her already. TOO BAD!! :(

I deactivated my Facebook account a while ago. I just can’t stand what she’s doing. She keeps on ignoring my messages. Ayaw niya makipagbati!! The hell! Wala na kong maisip kung ano gagawin ko. Nakakabaliw. Iniisip ko na nga kung paano ko siya ma ssurprise on our first month, iisipin ko pa ngayon kung paano makipag ayos sakanya. Hay!! Pakamatay na lang!!

11 in the evening, currently at Tobi’s house, watching L word. Galing kaming Antipolo, Cb’s house. We, together with Nikki, Airis, Cb and Pam celebrated Tobi’s birthday there. Supposedly, si Ela din dapat andun. Kaso may nangyari, inuna init ng mga ulo, nag ka away away pa tuloy. Dapat mag sswimming kami pera walang nangyari! Nagkatamaran na, uminom, natulog at kumain ng kumain na lang kami dun. Slammer Party nga daw sabi ni Pam. Haha! Pam is our new found friend. Cb introduced us to her. Anim lang kasi kami talagang magbabarkada. Cb, Ela, Me, Tobi, Airis and Nikki. The pogi! =)))

(Ang haba ng intro. lol)

Okay, here we go.. Masaya ako ngayong araw na to. Kahit naman kahapon. Masaya ako. Masaya pero hindi okay.. It’s all because of Her. My baby. Sobrang hindi kami okay. She’s mad. dahil nanaman sa pa ulit ulit na issue. Because of Sab. Yeah. The other girl around who used to be so nice with me. Pero she’s just a friend for me. She tagged me a post, “walang magawa!Cath Di kape tyo!libre mo nmn!:))))))” pero it’s not what you guys are thinking! It’s just nothing! Sobrang wala na kaming connection ni Sab kasi umiiwas na rin ako because I don’t wanna argue with my girl anymore about that issue. Pero nagpost lang bigla ng ganun si Sab kasi gusto niya lang daw asarin yung ex niya. So ako naman nakiride lang. Thinking na hindi mamasamain ng gf ko un kasi nag explain naman ako sakanya. Pero hindi. She didn’t try to understand me. I tried to explain everything pero sarado utak niya. Sobrang init ng dugo niya kay Sab. And me, I just can’t do anything kasi ang layo niya sakin. Gustong gusto ko siya suyuin. Coz’ I know words are not enough. Kaso yun lang talaga yung way para makapag sorry ako. Ang hirap lang kasi, parang I don’t have chances to explain anymore. She’s not talking to me clearly. I just can’t imagine that this can easily ruin what we’ve been trough..

And now, I’m waiting for her to be online. She’s sleeping now I think. Hindi na siya sumagot sa last message ko. Hopefully, sana maayos pa lahat. I don’t like what’s happening. Ngayon pa na okay na kami, na naayos na namin yung problema samin na sinasabi ko sa past blog ko..

WHY NOW?! WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING OKAY WITH US! :l

My baby and I, we’re not okay now because of this shit. :l

May 17, 2011. Past 2AM. I really don’t know what comes into my mind. Why the fuck I did that?!!! But I’m pretty sure, this will be the last! LAST. Promise!

I have this girl. My only girl. Who I like since day one. The problem is, she’s not here in the country anymore. We’re not together. We had the same school way back from high school. We’ve known each other dati pa. Then biglang napacomment ako sa isang status niya. And woala! It started! We’ve been talking everyday on Facebook. Sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari, hindi ko rin alam kung paano basta, I’m happy spending my time talking with her. Hanggang sa dumating na ung point na, we’re officially “we”. Mag wa-one month pa lang pero, sobrang dami na ring changes.. We’re not so vocal on our facebook pages anymore. Dati sobrang dami naming pinaguusapan, hindi kami nagkakaaway, unlike now.. Everytime we’re talking on our inbox, parang ako na lang ung kwento ng kwento. Ako na lang ung may gusto ng lahat. Parang ginagawa niya na lang un as a routine. Parang nasanay na lang. Honestly speaking, mas kinikilig pa ko dati kesa ngayon. Ang weird lang talaga. And I hate this feeling! It’s killing me! Gusto kong ayusin lahat but I really don’t know how and where to start! Ganto ba talaga lahat? Lahat ng tao nagbabago? Lahat ba talaga sa una lang? Sa una lang magaling? Can someone tell me WHY?! Honestly, it’s weird to know that I’m so into her. I’m willing to wait for her to go home here in Phil. I wanna make all of this serious. (Kung ako, seryoso ako, but her? I just don’t think so.) I hope we can make this. I hope so…

My last blog was 3months ago I think? I was so lazy few days/weeks/months ago to update my blog life. Really don’t know why but I’m still scanning my dashboard everyday. Now, I end up doing NOTHING and just realized that I miss this. Yeah, this life. my life here in Tumblr. So, again… Here I am! :)

Sobrang daming nangyari. Dami na ring nagbago. I wanted to tell it all here but I just can’t. Hindi ko na rin siguro ma re-recall lahat. But here’s the hint; My life is better now. Pero shempre hindi parin nawawala problema, pero kakayanin parin! Ako pa! ;) I already know what I want, what I need and what I have to do. My life is going straight now. But NOT ME! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Okay now, here’s the climax of my blog. Of course, MY LOVELIFE! Haha! So here…

I wasn’t able to tell here about this “girl”.. She’s my ex-so-called-whatever. It’s like that because I really don’t know what’s with us. But I’m sure that we have this “thing”. We’re not “we” but we have the both of us. This is because she has her legal girlfriend that time. Yeah, I’m such a poor third party. I know it’s wrong but I’m happy doing it that time. Weird huh? Sabi nga nila, “masarap ang bawal” pero lahat ng bagay may katapusan. Sa lahat ng dalawa, may naiiwan. At ako un. Yeah, talo ako. She left me hanging. Okay lang talaga sakin na mawala siya at ung girlfriend niya piliin niya because I already accepted it from the start na I’m just her another girl. Medyo nakakabastos lang talaga nung madami akong narinig na stories way back from her. Okay sana kung real stories. Kaso kwentong barbero talaga! So now, we’re not okay anymore, even friends! She’s a totally stranger for me! Okay, so much for that.

I shared the story about her because “real changes” in my life started with her. Yeah, it’s true. Sakanya ako nag start magseryoso makipagrelasyon with the same sex. Ung mga dati is, puro trip lang. I really don’t know bakit sakanya pa! Haha! Pero honestly, I have no regrets. Naging masaya naman ako, and I know, napasaya ko rin siya! =)))) It’s just happened 2months ago if I’m not mistaken? Pero sobrang wala na ung sakanya. I don’t feel any single fuckin’ thing with her anymore. Haha!

This day is so productive! Nagawa ko lahat ng plano ko last night! :) Nakapasok ako ng hindi late. And ung hindi ko pinasok ng two days for the duty, okay lang pala kasi hindi naman pala kami ung naka sked. Lucky much huh? =))

KASO LANG NATULUGAN KO UNG TEST SA PHARMA. 25 LANG TULOY AKO! SHIT! I CAN’T MOVE ON!! DAMNNNNN.